Sunday, April 02, 2017
One more Supernova, or Thank-you Amigo.
Years of wisdom pour out of her mouth. She shows me the scarf she knitted herself. She talks about how she has already overcome her drug problem. Then she shrugs it off and talks about yoga class, her fashion blog, a politics summer camp she attended. As she talks, tears start running down her cheeks. I offer her a tissue, & she stops to apologize, saying she can’t help it - sometimes they just come. She is 19 years old.
Or how about that young man? He stares past my ear & tells me how he is depressed, lonely, and marginalized. He says his last appointment at the shrink left him feeling empty. I try to ask him what music he likes, what hobbies he might have. He looks confused for a moment, briefly making eye contact for the first time since we’ve met, then proceeds to list the conditions he has been diagnosed with. He is 28.
But this isn’t a work of fiction. These aren’t one-off cases. I’ve met over a hundred young people over the last year, all of whom have their own unique story to tell. Yet almost all of them have a common thread.
All of them are stories about sadness. Stories about loneliness. Stories about being so small. Of trying so hard.
But also stories of growing, stories of empowerment, stories of encouragement & of friendship.
If there is anything this past year has taught me, it’s that youth is a magical & delirious moment. In that moment, you have time to burn bright & burn out 100 times over. You have time to stomp on other’s hearts, time to be used. And time to come out the other end an adult & never really have to be ashamed of your actions. It’s a moment so dense that each micro-moment feels like an eternity for the one living it. And once the dust settles, you are an adult, and suddenly time isn't so dense anymore.
To the young person, I’d like to say this: There are lots of people ready to condemn a young person for being young - parents, teachers, siblings, relatives, people in positions of power. And so you are lucky if you have at least one person who accepts you as you are. These are people who are there for you, despite the flaming supernova that is your youth. Because the reality is that there are adults who look the other way when you are imploding. There are adults who distance themselves for fear of the debris from the inevitable explosion.
Then there are also adults who want to help. Many of them have deep scars from their own youth. I know I sure as hell do. Then there are those who recognize how privileged they've been & feel the need to give back. I know you don’t feel brave. I know that life has drained you of courage, but please never give up, and never stop reaching out. Someone will eventually grab your hand, and be your friend as you pull yourself up so that you can keep on expanding and growing.
To the adults who’ve chosen to befriend a young person they might not have otherwise met, Thank-you.
Without you, perhaps there would be one less supernova in the night sky. We all need acceptance from someone else, especially when we are burning bright. Perhaps the young person in your life doesn’t realize what important work you are doing now, but believe me - ten years, fifteen years from now - they will look back and remember those moments.
I can say this with certainty, because I was once a youth with nobody in my life. I thought I was fine, even though my life was quickly reeling out of control. And even though I didn’t appreciate it back then, these days I am almost moved to tears when I remember these two special moments from the distant past.
The first moment was when I was 16, and my employer, Nina, told me that she was worried about me. That’s it - that’s the moment that chokes me up now. Some time after that, my life did enter a very dark phase, which makes it all the more poignant to me that she saw what a precarious position I was in.
The second ‘moment’ I remember is really a series of warm moments, when I befriended Olga, who, by choosing to be my friend, shone a light down a new path for me.
I can say with certainty, that these two women, without intending to, both saved my life.
The first moment was when I was 16, and my employer, Nina, told me that she was worried about me. That’s it - that’s the moment that chokes me up now. Some time after that, my life did enter a very dark phase, which makes it all the more poignant to me that she saw what a precarious position I was in.
The second ‘moment’ I remember is really a series of warm moments, when I befriended Olga, who, by choosing to be my friend, shone a light down a new path for me.
I can say with certainty, that these two women, without intending to, both saved my life.
So please, be patient, and know that a simple ‘how are you’ may be all that is needed. You are doing a great job simply by being there.
Thank-you, Amigo, it’s been a beautiful year.
Labels: Amigo Nuorten Mentorointihanke, Helsingin Diakonissalaitos, mentoring, volunteering, youth
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