Thursday, September 07, 2006
Sadness 101
We've all done things we aren't proud of, and I'm no exception.
Why this sudden expression of remorse?
Well, I read something I'm not really supposed to have read, something that I don't know exists.
All I can say is this:
Many of the things you say about me are true, but not all of them. Nonetheless, you are justified in thinking those things. The things that are true, however, were very insightful. And that's why my heart broke, reading it - not because of the insights, but because I know you have good reasons to believe the falsities.
You see, I very much keep my emotions in the moment, and I'm picking up those pieces now, and my heart is already mended. Does that mean I don't care?
I'm sorry that I can seem so cold.
You were right about one thing: Yes, I am mad because you tell me I can't trust my friends. My friends are my friends, and if the definition of a close friend is somebody you've known since your school days, then true, I have no friends. I don't deny that, and that is not why I am angry.
What makes me angry is that you would tell your friends to come and be my friends, too, and judge that they are somehow better than my friends, and that you chide me for not staying in touch with them!
I would only need your pity if I felt that never having been anywhere long enough to form a circle of friends somehow handicapped me. But I don't think it has, and this is because I don't believe there is such a thing as a 'best' childhood, or a 'best' person.
Perhaps I'm making a radical claim here, but this is what I believe: Life can be beautiful because of the difference and because of the fact of pluralism in beliefs and peoples - not because there is such a thing as "perfection" that people can attain!
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With a little hindsight, I realised something:
Those postings were directed at me... ofcourse he knows I found his blog!
It's clear that I'm not helping matters by nosing around and commenting. It's clear that it's better to leave his space alone. As tempting as it is, I won't be visiting again.
fon @ 3:30 PM link to post * *