Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The Edgar Diaries
29.09.08, 07:56 a.m.
Edgar came to Bangkok! He's under the table here at my office... I guess he drank a lot last night, and he's confused about the time... and location... he's kinda running around confused. I'm a bit worried that somebody will kill him...
Perhaps if he's still around in the evening, I should take him home?
29.09.08, 08:04 a.m.
My coworkers may think I'm insane, having introduced them to Edgar, and telling them that he's terribly hungover. But Celia and I did begin discussing, as if it was normal, the possibility of trapping Edgar in a used cardboard coffee cup and releasing him out the window. However, the conclusion we reached was that his antenna might get stuck between the lid and the rim of the cup. I think Edgar overheard us, however, and went under the divider, running into Khun Sophia's side of the office (she's not in today). But still, I thought it would be best if he hid somewhere, so I walked over and shooed him under the cabinet.
"Edgar! Don't you have any sense of self-preservation?? Shoo! Under the cabinet! Now!!"
Well, hopefully he has the good sense to stay there for the rest of the day!
30.09.08, 09:03 a.m.
I just had an encounter with Edgar. He climbed into an almost empty rubbish bin, no doubt in search of a friendly pint, but was unsuccessful, and perhaps as consolation, began sucking on a chewed up piece of gum stuck to the bottom. So, given this opportunity, I decided that I would go and release him outside, as he might better be able to cure his hangover there. So I stuck a plastic bag over the bin, and headed out with it. However, given that there was rubbish in it, of course, I had to find another rubbish bin into which to deposit the contents - Edgar, the paper, and the gum, just in case that was going to come off, too.
The best candidate for this was a slightly bigger rubbish bin located next to the parking lot, just to the right outside the building. There I headed, all the time with this irrational fear that Edgar would, in his alcohol deprived state, jump out and search me for a flask of whisky or something. Anyhow, I'm glad there weren't any witnesses. I suppose it must have been a pretty comical sight. It went something like this:
1. Fon tries to shake contents of rubbish bin and plastic bag covering it into other bin.
2. Edgar, agitated, wings ruffled, jumps out and starts running after Fon, who promptly screams, drops the bin and starts running towards the UNESCO building.
3. Fon, realising she must bring back the bin, notices that Edgar is no longer following her and thus tiptoes back, not knowing where Edgar may be hiding, and retrieves the bin, then marches back into the building looking distressed enough for the security guard to get worried and ask if she's alright...
... I think I needed to relate that event in third person to prevent re-experiencing the trauma of the whole event...
fon @ 9:04 AM link to post * *
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Waldeck: Ballroom Stories
**disclaimer: I KNOW I'm like two years late in showing my appreciation for this album, and that a lot of the tracks have been remixed by several people, and that there is a lot more sampling in the album than I've given credit for!**
I've discovered two new tracks I'm entirely obsessed with: "Midsummer Night Blues" and "Get Up ... Carmen", both by Waldeck. Perhaps it's the trained up academic head of mine that likes there to be lots of referencing going on. Or perhaps it's just my belief that good music should be a dialogue between musicians.
Anyhow, so I finally *gulp* purchased the expensive, but also very-worth-it collection, Buddha Bar X, and heard Waldeck's "Get Up ... Carmen" for the first time. I suppose many are familiar with Bizet's dramatic operatic "L'amour est un oiseau rebelle" in Carmen. Well, this version is an absolutely stunning chill-jazz-club remix of the heart stealing classic. "Get Up ... Carmen" uses tender high piano to reinterpret Bizet's main theme, and pairs it up with some bass-tone flute (not sure of the name) to produce a few minutes of bliss!
So, having fallen in love with one Waldeck track, I then ventured into purchasing the album: Ballroom Stories. I have to admit, that although I like the overall sound of it, upon closer inspection, I found most of the first half of the album to be slightly disappointing... a cool background music album, more or less. Consistently good quality, but only a few striking tracks.
Listening through, however, I found myself puzzled: When did I put my iTunes in shuffle mode?? The slow drawling violin notes of "Summer Time" (as performed by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong) was being played! But just as I opened up the iTunes window, entirely different lyrics and tune were introduced to the song. Great reinterpretation! It's a slightly dark vocal set. The Youtube video of "Midsummer Night Blues" does absolutely no justice to the song. So you'll have to find another way to listen to the music!
That said - this is not a remix album! Although the tracks sample and refer extensively to old classics, I would not go as far as to call any of the tracks, "Waldeck's version of...", other than 'Bei mir bist du schön (Dub)'.
Other favourites on album: 'Bei mir bist du schön (Dub)', 'Jerry Weintraub', 'So Black and Blue', 'Why Did We Fire The Gun?'
Just for reference ;), here's the original of 'Bei mir bist du schön' by the Andrews Sisters (perhaps your grandfather has the vinyl original somewhere!).
... As for Jerry Weintraub - I'm not sure why there is a track devoted to the producer of Ocean's Eleven, other than, perhaps, his highly successful and influential show-business career, starting with music and moving into the movie industry (He's the current CEO of United Artists) I guess that's a good reason as any to devote a song to him...?
So Black and Blue is a reinterpretation of a song by Louis Armstrong and his All Stars song by the same title, which, apart from being a song of a forlorn lover, is also a covert reference to the budding civil rights movement, like much of jazz music in the 50s. The reinterpretation loses the political element, keeps an upbeat jazz vibe, and becomes simply a love song, but still conveys a tension in its atmosphere, which I interpret as a little reminder of history.
The origins of 'Why Did We Fire The Gun' are a mystery to me, even though there is something hauntingly familiar about this track. A beautiful track!
I give the album an 8/10 (pretty good!)
**side note & question of the day**
They classical is good listening for babies, even in the womb... so does it count if it's remixed into modern chill?? I mean, the classical is good because of its relaxing effect. So shouldn't lounge do the same??
fon @ 7:28 AM link to post * *
Monday, September 22, 2008
Silly Translations - had me ROTFL-ing away!
For the original post, please visit http://www.spanishenglishtranslations.com/Dilects_Humr.html
Intrigued by "machine translation" that is performed by a computer? Check these results when common English expressions were fed to a computer to translate to a foreign language, and then back again to English.
"Out of sight, out of mind" became..."Invisible insane"
"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak" turned into..."The wine is good, but the meat is spoiled"
A few fun examples of what can happen when translations are performed without regard to the culture of the audience. Enjoy...
Welcome to Our Inn
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable"
In a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk"
In a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid"
In a Tokyo hotel: "Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis"
In a Kyoto hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid"
... and this is our fare...
A Swiss menu boasts: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for"
A Shanghai Mongolian hot pot buffet guarantees: "You will be able to eat all you wish until you are fed up"
An Indian restaurant advises that: "Our establishment serves tea in a bag like mother"
The menu of a Tokyo restaurant offers: "Special cocktails for women with nuts"
A Torremolinos eatery informs: "We highly recommend the hotel tart"
An Acapulco restaurant promises that: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here"
While shopping...
In a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service"
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: "Drop your trousers here for best results"
Outside a Paris dress shop: "Dresses for street walking"
In a Rhodes tailor shop: "Because is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation"
In front of a Madrid travel agency: "Go away"
In the Leningrad airport: "This is Leningrad airport and you are welcome to it"
The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read: "¿Tiene leche?" which also means "Are you lactating?"
The Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."
When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read.
Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious pornographic magazine.
An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I Saw the Pope" [el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" [la papa].
Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.
The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokou kole", translating into "happiness in the mouth."
Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "It takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."
When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant"
When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" [Vuela En Cuero] in Spanish.
Mr. Mick Harper from Channel M of the Canadian Multivision Television (http://www.channelm.ca) contributed these gems:
The Canadian home improvement retail chain “Rona” wanted to run a campaign in Punjabi. Their slogan was “For expert advice and more, count on Rona”. Problem was, in Punjabi the word “Rona” means “crying”. So ‘for expert advice and more, count on crying’ wasn’t exactly the message they wanted to get across. The Punjabi campaign was cancelled.
In the 1970s, General Motors had a great deal of success with its muscle car, the Chevrolet Nova. They decided to start producing and selling these cars in Mexico. But ‘no’ and ‘va’ translated into Spanish means ‘doesn’t go’.
Buick also offers its “Lacrosse” SUV in Canada, where “Lacrosse” is the national sport (although hockey may be the country’s national favourite pastime). But in the French-speaking province of Quebec, the word lacrosse can also be a slang word for ‘masturbating’. We’re not sure if lacrosse is still the national sport of Quebec, but one thing’s for sure… the Buick Lacrosse is not available there.
A cocktail lounge in Norway declares:
"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR"
A Nairobi restaurant invites:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER
A hotel in Moscow located nearby an Orthodox monastery encourages:
VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
In Hong Kong, a dentist promises:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS
A laundry in Rome offers:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME
A tourist agency in Czechoslovakia reassures:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
Donkey rides in Thailand allow certain options:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
fon @ 10:34 AM link to post * *
Friday, September 12, 2008
Missing sewage...
Maybe it's only me, but I couldn't help laughing a little at the choice made by the carjackers...
"ARMED MEN CARJACK UN-AFRICAN UNION SEWAGE TRUCK IN NORTH DARFUR
The joint United Nations-African Union peacekeeping mission to Darfur (UNAMID) reported that one of its sewage trucks was carjacked today by unknown gunmen in the north of the war-wracked region of western Sudan.
Three men approached the truck at a sewage dumping site in North Darfur state, pointed weapons at the driver and then ordered him to move the vehicle towards the nearby Zam Zam camp for internally displaced persons (IDPs), UNAMID said.
The mission immediately reported the carjacking to Sudanese Government police and efforts to recover the truck are now underway."
So, here's the big question: If the carjackers are nice, and return the truck, what will the note say?
"Here's the truck. We deeply regret having misplaced your shit."
"Thank-you for lending us your poo." ... any more suggestions?
fon @ 11:27 AM link to post * *