The rainy blog
Love is rain
Thursday, January 25, 2018
But how does he eat?!

I visited Mikko in the ICU yesterday. I took a few pictures of the intense machinery (not of him, though!) they had supporting him, but it was pointed out to me that perhaps I shouldn't share them. There is a point there. The point, as far as I am concerned, is not so much the idea that we should hide what is happening, but rather, that Mikko can decide for himself, whether or not he wants the itty-bitty details of what meds he is on and what his heart-rate was available publicly.

A question has been plaguing me ever since I started posting updates about Mikko's journey with depression. I've been wondering when somebody will tell me to stop, because of this lingering idea that mental health issues are something to be ashamed of. But nobody has, which is nothing short of amazing. The world is changing.

Also, I get this odd feeling that many people think that somehow, the depression has taken away his agency - that he isn't consensual in any of this. There are people I know who are vocal about the topic of mental health, especially their own. I tip my hat to them. That takes a LOT of courage. Not everyone has that courage, or the energy, though, and that is why it is important for the near and dear to take a stand: "Hiding the problem won’t make it go away. Don’t be an enabler. It doesn’t help anyone involved if you are making excuses, covering up the problem, or lying for a friend or family member who is depressed. In fact, this may keep the depressed person from seeking treatment." (Click on the quote for the source article)

The fact that there is this whiff of lingering social taboo, and that people feel that they need to hide their mental illness contributes to the shame. One person presented the argument that 'There is no need to air one's health issues on social media'. Well, no... but I do suppose that if you have a broken leg, you'll get a lot of sympathy just by being. That is, however, not the case for people with mental illnesses. It is invisible unless made visible. And since, more often than not, what a person with mental illnesses of any sort needs is community, love, understanding, and emotional support, how can it possibly be good to hide mental illness when it occurs?

Over the past few years (yes, this has been an ongoing struggle), I have read up in varying amounts on depression, OCD, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, hypochondria, narcissism, etc. Mikko doesn't have all of those, mind you - but he often jokes that one has to be 'a nutter of some sort' to join my circle of friends. A few years ago, we were still wondering why on Earth he hadn't been diagnosed with anything yet! Hmmm....

Anyhow, point is, a few posts have stuck to my mind, that are applicable in this case, especially:

Ten Things You Need To Know To Overcome OCD: This is a well-summarized article about what OCD is, and written for the person with OCD. But it also helped me understand and process a lot of things I had noticed myself, and confirm that my own instincts on how to act around the OCD were not far off the mark.

Living With A Black Dog: This is a good summary of what a lot of articles write, in video format. If you don't watch or read anything else, watch this. It gives you (who have little experience with mental illness and depression) a few good pointers on what definitely IS NOT HELPFUL.
"You should exercise every day!"
"Just tell him to be positive."
"It's just a matter of deciding to be happy!"
It is true that exercise helps. It is true that 'just thinking positive' would be great. And while somebody might be able to decide to be positive, it doesn't mean that everyone can do that. If we had two cents for every time somebody, well, gave their two cents worth (har har), then we'd be able to fund a family trip to Disneyland by now. Mikko runs and goes to the gym daily. And thinking positive is something that comes naturally to some people but not to others - and that is in the context of being healthy. What people have trouble understanding is that depression is a disease. It is not the same thing as feeling down because of a bump in the road of life. One cannot just wake up one day and cure it by thinking positively and going to the gym.

Rat Park: "What if the difference between not being addicted and being addicted, is the difference between seeing the world as your park, and seeing the world as your cage?" This is an interesting series of studies on heroine and morphine addiction, and suggests that drug addiction is fueled by isolation and lack of community, and not so simply by the drugs themselves. While we are not currently addicted to any drugs around here, I think the important observation in these experiments is that the rats that were in a social and stimulating environment (The "Rat Park") had decreased addictive behavior, whilst those that were kept in solitary confinement were inclined to consume more drugs. While the experiment was done on rats, humans are arguable just as social, and it makes perfect sense that humans that feel caged in and isolated are prone to destructive and escapist behaviors, such as drug addiction and suicide.

Anyhow, back to the main point. Yes, we are being vocal about this. WE. We did talk about this with Mikko, and he said he was happy that I am sharing this experience, because it decreases the shame and taboo surrounding the topic. Even though things have taken a turn for the worse at the moment, Mikko has been happy for all the support. I can't speak for him at this very moment, obviously, but we have agreed that it is important that this is discussed.

I am also happy for all the support sharing brings. There are so many people around with their own stories of how their father, their mother, their siblings, their husband, are depressed and/or have tried to commit or have succeeded to commit suicide. It is a horrible and harrowing journey, and it is nothing to be ashamed of, for anyone. Luckily, we are 'only' at depressed.

I would go crazy if I honestly thought only my closet is listening. And being in Finland, I don't have a lot of avenues to get out all these thoughts racing through my head. And it doesn't matter how well I understand and speak Finnish, as I keep getting told. Thoughts simply do not race around in my head in Finnish, and my emotions simply do not come out in Finnish, technical knowledge aside. So writing about this is a life-saver for me.

But no, I won't post pics of the machinery Mikko is currently attached to, the meds keeping him asleep, or the food he is being fed through a drip. I am glad I took pictures, though, because that is exactly what the kids asked about.

"Why isn't he waking up?"
"But how does he eat?"

That's another thing we discussed with Mikko, by the way: The kids know he is sick, and they have been told on a level they understand, and in a way that makes mental illness is totally comparable to any other disease. So they know that when daddy is sleeping, it's because he is sick and he needs rest. I'm glad it's worked out this way, because the fact that we've been very open about this means this isn't even as weird or shocking for the kids as it could be!

fon @ 4:35 PM link to post * *

Wednesday, January 24, 2018
My closet is the best listener ;)

I have been dead scared of losing Mikko for half a year now. I've told friends about how I have hidden my tears from the rest of the family by literally crying in the closet so that nobody would see (it's a small walk-in). On days like this it just sucks being an adult. On one hand, I keep a smile on my face and send the kids off on their way to school. All of this is just normal. On the other hand, I am trying not to crumble, desperate to keep the sensation of panic from flattening me.

Two weeks ago, a light appeared at the end of the tunnel. He started electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) a week ago. It was doing wonders, combined with the one-off ketamine injection that he received a week and a half earlier. It really looked like things were looking up.

On Sunday night we were still cordially joking around about the ECT. "Why did they wait so long before electrocuting me," he asked. He managed a smile for the first time in months. "I hope I don't catch whatever the kids have," he said, referring to the gastroenteritis our monkeys were down with. "I probably can't go if I am vomiting."

But he wasn't vomiting. We figured we adults are somehow immune to this one. You know, it never occurred to me to ask what the reason is for the instruction to not eat before anesthesia. But now I know. The point is one can vomit when one wakes up, and after anesthesia, one's gag reflex is impaired. So now he is down with aspiration pneumonia having displayed the first symptoms of the gastroenteritis immediately upon waking up from the ECT.

I am not too worried about him not waking up from his medically induced sleep. I am sure he will, and I am sure he will be better. Physically. I have no idea what this means in terms of the ECT treatment. It is supposed to be several consecutive treatments. He'd be due for his next treatment today. And his fifth one on Friday. Then his final one next Monday.

I worry this means he will have to start over. Knowing him, it may throw him into a deeper and darker depression yet. Dark thoughts cross my mind. Have you ever watched the movie Final Destination? It's like his depression is meant to kill him, one way or another. It's like we can't escape fate. But f*#k that. I don't believe in fate. We make our own path.

For now, I just need to stay strong. I need to not get too irritable at the kids. I need to remember that while they accept that their dad is away (they are kinda used to it), they really need me. In November I told the kids I am visiting the doctor, and my 7-year-old daughter's reaction was, "are you also going to stay at the hospital, Mommy?" That damn near broke my heart.

Now I am going to the doctor in secret. They don't need to know I will (probably) be on stress-related sick leave. Then I will go see Mikko at the hospital. All the kids need to know is that I will be here for them, and that I went to see Daddy at the ICU and that he is (hopefully) ok. I have no idea if this is how I am supposed to go about this. I have no idea where I am supposed to turn for answers. Perhaps someone reading this has experience? Well.... if not, my closet is a great listener!

fon @ 2:38 PM link to post * *

Thursday, July 27, 2017
When 'What's up?' is the most important question

A few years ago I put on a huge suit of armour & I started lashing out from inside my hard case every time I had a chance. I've said & done some stupid $#*¡ cos I have been alone & convinced nobody is listening, anyhow.

The past few years have been a mire of guilt over anger, anger over guilt, guilt over being a terrible failure in life, guilt for getting angry, anger at not being able to stand up for myself, anger at feeling so terribly lonely, and finally, complete helplessness because I couldn't stand up for myself. And oh - the panic attacks that left me shuddering on the floor every time certain topics of discussion came up with certain people.

But in helplessness there is hope. In my firm belief that almost everyone was against me, I asked for help from a professional (or two). It took a couple years, but at the end of it all, I realised one important thing: Heavy armor may protect you from blows, but it also prevents you from moving forward.

It took a few years, and I made a choice I  was sure I would receive plenty of criticism for. I decided to leave the armor & dodge the blows instead.

In other words I learned to put my foot down. I have learned that it doesn't matter if there are people who think I am worthless. I can choose not to listen to them. I learned that people can be unhappy about my decisions, but that I don't have to pander to anyone.

I learned that I don't have to indefinitely stay out of my comfort zone so that others could stay comfortably in theirs. And yes, it was met with lots of criticism.

But... leaving all that armor behind has also made it possible for someone to ask me how I am, and what's going on in my life. Not possible when you are surrounded by a fortress.

Small-talk, right? But in the right context, that is the most profound question a person can ever ask you.

Thank-you for asking. Thank-you for listening. I feel much less alone.

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fon @ 11:54 AM link to post * *

Sunday, April 02, 2017
One more Supernova, or Thank-you Amigo.

Years of wisdom pour out of her mouth. She shows me the scarf she knitted herself. She talks about how she has already overcome her drug problem. Then she shrugs it off and talks about yoga class, her fashion blog, a politics summer camp she attended. As she talks, tears start running down her cheeks. I offer her a tissue, & she stops to apologize, saying she can’t help it - sometimes they just come. She is 19 years old.
Or how about that young man? He stares past my ear & tells me how he is depressed, lonely, and marginalized. He says his last appointment at the shrink left him feeling empty. I try to ask him what music he likes, what hobbies he might have. He looks confused for a moment, briefly making eye contact for the first time since we’ve met, then proceeds to list the conditions he has been diagnosed with. He is 28.
But this isn’t a work of fiction. These aren’t one-off cases. I’ve met over a hundred young people over the last year, all of whom have their own unique story to tell. Yet almost all of them have a common thread.
All of them are stories about sadness. Stories about loneliness. Stories about being so small. Of trying so hard.


But also stories of growing, stories of empowerment, stories of encouragement & of friendship.
If there is anything this past year has taught me, it’s that youth is a magical & delirious moment. In that moment, you have time to burn bright & burn out 100 times over. You have time to stomp on other’s hearts, time to be used. And time to come out the other end an adult & never really have to be ashamed of your actions. It’s a moment so dense that each micro-moment feels like an eternity for the one living it. And once the dust settles, you are an adult, and suddenly time isn't so dense anymore.
To the young person, I’d like to say this: There are lots of people ready to condemn a young person for being young - parents, teachers, siblings, relatives, people in positions of power. And so you are lucky if you have at least one person who accepts you as you are. These are people who are there for you, despite the flaming supernova that is your youth. Because the reality is that there are adults who look the other way when you are imploding. There are adults who distance themselves for fear of the debris from the inevitable explosion.
Then there are also adults who want to help. Many of them have deep scars from their own youth. I know I sure as hell do. Then there are those who recognize how privileged they've been & feel the need to give back. I know you don’t feel brave. I know that life has drained you of courage, but please never give up, and never stop reaching out. Someone will eventually grab your hand, and be your friend as you pull yourself up so that you can keep on expanding and growing.
To the adults who’ve chosen to befriend a young person they might not have otherwise met, Thank-you.
Without you, perhaps there would be one less supernova in the night sky. We all need acceptance from someone else, especially when we are burning bright. Perhaps the young person in your life doesn’t realize what important work you are doing now, but believe me - ten years, fifteen years from now - they will look back and remember those moments.
I can say this with certainty, because I was once a youth with nobody in my life. I thought I was fine, even though my life was quickly reeling out of control. And even though I didn’t appreciate it back then, these days I am almost moved to tears when I remember these two special moments from the distant past.

 The first moment was when I was 16, and my employer, Nina, told me that she was worried about me. That’s it - that’s the moment that chokes me up now. Some time after that, my life did enter a very dark phase, which makes it all the more poignant to me that she saw what a precarious position I was in.

 The second ‘moment’ I remember is really a series of warm moments, when I befriended Olga, who, by choosing to be my friend, shone a light down a new path for me.

 I can say with certainty, that these two women, without intending to, both saved my life.
So please, be patient, and know that a simple ‘how are you’ may be all that is needed. You are doing a great job simply by being there.

Thank-you, Amigo, it’s been a beautiful year.


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fon @ 3:15 PM link to post * *

Friday, November 11, 2016
Letter advocating for vegan meals at school

Dear Espoo City Decision Makers,

I am writing you in English because that is my native language, even though I am citizen of Finland. I do hope you understand it, and do not immediately trash this because it may be uncomfortable for you to hear.

Having contacted several lower-level decision makers, including the school principle, health care officials, and the person in charge at Espoo catering, I was finally urged by my friend, and Espoo representative Henna Partanen, to contact you regarding my son’s tenacious decision to become a vegan.

I will first give you a bit of background. My son, Monn, is 7 years old, and he’s been a vegetarian from birth. When he was smaller, a medical certificate was required for vegetarian food at day cares. I found it ridiculous back then, and simply lied and cited religion, after which, no questions were asked. Nowadays vegetarian food is standard at schools, and vegetarians are no longer discriminated against the way they used to be, back in the days.

When Monn announced that he is a vegan, I asked him whether he would consider being vegetarian at school, but vegan at home. Apart from the cow-yoghurt which he shared with his father, he was already mostly vegan anyway. His answer was clear then, and it has not shifted: He is a vegan. He also gave me an explanation which showed he had thought about it and made a clear ethical choice.
It would be highly dubious of me, as a parent, to force him to eat something he has concluded is unethical when there are many viable alternatives. Making vegan food is easy, and I have, among plenty of others, been doing it for the past 14 years. It is not more expensive than any other kind of food if done with the right research and attitude. Of course, it is certainly more expensive than meat food if kitchens persist in seeing the need to ‘replace’ dairy, eggs and meat with vegan alternatives. 

Veganism is not an ‘alternative lifestyle’. It's just a dietary choice for us, and a lifestyle (not an alternative), for some. Veganism, for me, and now for my son, is based on the belief that acting violently towards, inflicting pain upon, and causing harm to other sentient beings is in no way a natural part of our nature. Deciding on a vegan diet is simply adhering to the logical conclusions that follow from that thought. From our perspective, when our diet is labelled a 'special diet', it is an insult. As far as we are concerned, it takes a 'special' kind of person to not take into consideration the suffering of others. But that's a battle for another day.

Monn is no longer a 2-year-old who has never tried meat. He is now a 7-year-old who questions why he was ever given dairy products or eggs to begin with. But don’t believe me! Monn is going to film a video and post it tomorrow.

Now, I have a few questions for you:

1. As planners and educators, what are your views on a child's independent, harmless & well-argued ethical choice? Will you accept it, or will you discourage him from using his own reasoning capacity in the future?

2. If your answer is "Yes, we DO encourage independent thinking," then, if you accept his argument, will you treat him as an equal to his classmates & provide him, based on his ethical choice, with the school meals which he is legally entitled to?

3. If you do not agree with his arguments, and are unwilling to accommodate them, please do tell me what it is you are planning to do if and when he refuses to eat the meals which he finds ethically wrong. And if the answer is still "no, we will not provide vegan meals," then am I not, in principle, entitled to be subsidised the amount Espoo Catering gets in order to make my child's food, since they are not able to provide it?

My final question: Will you continue to question his diet if we become Daoists? It is a religion that a) is common in Thailand, Monn's country of birth and other citizenship, and b) bans the consumption of animal products, garlic, & onion. This is the alternative if it is deemed that carefully considered ethical reasons are inferior to blindly following faith (see question 1).

I understand that discriminating on the basis of religion is against the law in the city of Espoo.

I am happy to answer any questions regarding the ethical considerations of Monn's choice. He is also happy to answer for himself if he is asked. If the above questions feel complicated that is because they are. Ethical thinking often is quite difficult. I believe, however, that encouraging children to take and defend an ethical stance from an early age, and not simply to follow norms blindly, is healthy for society.

From an ethical and social standpoint, I see the main conflict being that we are trying to fit together a blanket social service model and pluralistic values with a low budget. One of the three has to go. If you are going to have blanket social services and cater to pluralistic needs, you need more money from somewhere. If you have pluralistic values and a low budget, then you can’t have blanket social services, and you need to accept that you will not serve all equally, which allows for plurality, in which case you have to allow for children in Monn’s position to bring their won food. The final option is to reject a pluralistic society, which means who can treat everyone the same and have a low budget. Then you simply have to stop encouraging independent and diverse thinking.

Finding a middle path is complicated, but perhaps there are other compromises:

It would appear the City of Helsinki has a model that could be applied immediately. I will cite from my friend, Henna Partanen, who got this response from Minna Ahola of the Espoo Food Services.

”Koulujen kasvisruokalistan muuttaminen enemmän vegaaneille sopivammaksi voisi olla kustannustehokkain tapa toteuttaa jatkossa vegaaniasiakkaille sopivaa ruokaa kouluissa. Helsingin kaupungilla on malli, jossa koulujen kasvisruokalistoilla on useampi vegaaniruokavaihtoehto ja niinä päivinä, jolloin kasvisruoka ei ole vegaaneille sopivaa, tarjotaan heille jäähdytettyä vegaaniruokaa edelliseltä kerralta. Vegaaniruokailijoille ei tarjota erillistä ruokajuomaa, vaan ruokajuomana on vesi. Tällä on saatu kustannukset samalle tasolle kuin muussa kouluruoassa. Tämä voisi toimia hyvin myös Espoossa.”

Translation: 'Changing the vegetarian diet at school to be more suitable vegans overall could be the most cost-effective manner to cater to vegan clients at schools. The city of Helsinki has a model in which they have added more vegan options to the basic menu, and on those days that the vegetarian food is not suitable for vegans, they will be served refrigerated food from the previous day. Vegans are not offered a seperate drink to go with their food. They are served water with their meals. In this way, the costs of vegan food is at the same level as other school food. This could also work well in Espoo.'

There is plenty of literature available about vegan nutrition, so I will not comment on that, although if you have any difficulties finding it, or need some consulting advice, I will gladly help.

Again, I am happy to pack him lunch, if it makes things easier for you. It requires you to convince Espoo International School that Monn will be allowed to bring his own food, in which case, I'll make lunch, and the onus will be on the school and teachers to satisfactorily explain to him why he is given different treatment. And quite frankly, I think it is simply delaying the thinking you will inevitable need to do in any case.

I do hope we get this resolved quickly, and that a first grader need not continue to feel he is being treated unfairly at school on a daily basis.

Best regards,


Valisa Krairiksh

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fon @ 4:28 AM link to post * *

Friday, October 28, 2016
The do-gooder's guide to the doing-good galaxy.

My job involves me working with a lot of people - volunteers - who come in for an interview and tell me about themselves. I love this aspect of my job. I love to hear people's stories. And I really love to hear about what motivates people to spend their free time volunteering. One day, if I write a book, I'll be able to tell you a lot about what motivates people to do what they perceive to be good deeds.

I stress the what they perecive to be good because it is crucial, for even the do-gooder, to make a few choices.

One important thing we do when interviewing volunteers is try to get some insight as to where their comfort zone is. Where would they like to direct their positive energy? Who is it, exactly, that they would like to help? We do just simply ask, but it is a trickier thing to discern than one would expect.

You see, most people claim to be totally open-minded. It seems to come with the territory of being a  person who wants to help those who are 'worse-off' than they are. It goes with the do-gooder's self-image. To some extent, most of us have been raised with a notion that there are people who are socially worse off. Those people at society's margins, we are told, are the people who we should always remember when we count our blessings. 'They' are less fortunate. 'They' are to be pitied. 'They' are there somewhere, and we personally know very few of them. It is, however, the idea that they are in some way or another, a less fortunate version of ourselves that makes it imperative that we are also extremely open-minded towards them.

Herein lies the dilemma. We have a foggy notion of who 'they' are, and we are, indeed, totally open-minded and non-judgmental towards 'them'. It's when 'they' - those who are worse off - are not at all who we think they are, and yet we are asked to help them, that we suddenly get an urge to define who is in need of help, and who is not.

And who are these marginalized masses? We've all been told different things:

'Some people were not so lucky to have been born in a democratic country.'
'Some people have no friends.'
'Some people don't have parents'
'Some people don't have food.'
'Some people are not entitled to social welfare.'
'Some people can't get an education.'
...can't afford to buy new clothes
...can't afford a house
...live in places where they have no rights
...have drug addicts for parents
...don't have a job
...haven't been taught the rules

The list is endless.

Many of these things are objectively true, and help us in helping our children form a worldview. My own kid took part in a Unicef walk recently. In explaining what the walk was for, we explained that it was to raise money because some children do not go to school in good conditions. For example, not all schools have enough teachers. Some schools do not have conditions that are safe for children.

Did I say this notion of the socially marginalized was foggy? Yes - but it's more like the fog at Point Reyes. Foggy, yes, but more or less a permanent fixture. And that's because it is instilled in us at such an early age that it is difficult to question it any more. Thus, challenging those notions of who is deserving of help can often be a direct assault on a person's identity.

Then there are the people who are 'those people', who also feel that they can contribute. And indeed, they should! There is plenty of research that shows the 'monkey-see-monkey-do' principle is correct. We are more likely to copy people who we see as similar to us, and to listen to the advice of people who have similar experiences to our own.

And these people also own a definition of what it means to be 'marginalized'. Some claim such a strong ownership over their marginalization that it is difficult to see how others could also be experiencing difficulties. And some still have a very strong notion of who is not marginalized, of who is living the ideal life which they themselves can never hope (and definitely don't want to) obtain! I think, that to a certain extent, we've all been exposed to that from an early age, too.

'I wouldn't want to be famous - I would always be exposed to the paparazzi'
'I don't think I'd know what to do with 10 million dollars... would I just become greedy if I won the lottery?'
or even simply 'They are married, have two kids, a house, a car, a dog.'

We are blind to the suffering of those we see as having some aspect of an ideal life that we ourselves would like to achieve. After I had given birth, a friend who very much wanted a child once said to me: 'I was angry at you for being sad, because you have a child, and you go visit your family in Thailand once a year. I didn't think of it from your perspective. You are lonely because you are at home with no adult company and you miss your family in Thailand the 11 months you are in Finland.'

My friend was exceptional in her ability to see the other side. Most often, people simply reject the other's suffering - 'I don't think they really have any problems' is a frequently heard phrase, and its more self-effacing twin 'I don't think I am able to offer them anything.' No problem, we'll chat about it and perhaps you'll see the other side, or perhaps you'd rather direct your energy elsewhere!

Or, conversely, some people are able to feel, all to well, the pain of others, and feel guilty about not being able to do enough to help. Sometimes, one does have to choose, and sometimes one gets defensive about their choice of who to help.

My message is simple: There is no need to rank the suffering of others, or to feel guilty for not helping everyone who reaches out a hand. If you don't know which 'good thing' you'd like to do just know that it's OK to do just one good thing. If you volunteer at a shelter for homeless cats, it's fine to let someone else buy the Big Issue from the homeless person. If you take a lonely granny out for a walk after work, let someone else play with the child who's been taken into custody. When 'doing good' just like with everything else in life, make sure your heart is in it, and don't spread yourself out too thin.

Luckily, we've all been taught slightly different things about what kinds of causes deserve our attention, so I honestly do believe that there is a champion out there for everyone who needs a hand.

fon @ 2:47 AM link to post * *

Thursday, September 29, 2016
Can you help? Non-Finns need not apply!

Yesterday, I had a 'Eureka!' moment. I realized I can do more to help around my community and it would also be a lot of fun for me and my kids (ok, I admit I didn't consult dd on this). In Espoo, it is possible to sign up to become a volunteer 'support person' for families with children. A support person caters to the needs of a family in need of support. Tasks can range from looking after the kids of a single mom for a few hours so she gets a bit of breathing space to helping kids with their homework to making sure the parents get bills payed on time. My own kids are very social, and always want new play mates, so I figured, what the heck, the more the merrier - if there's a family that needs some time off from their kids around here (especially immigrants who don't have family in Finland who could help out sometimes) it's no biggy for us to entertain a few kids for a few hours. We practically have a swinging door at our apartment, anyhow!

 Espoo outsources their support person services to an NGO. I got in touch with them, and this was the answer:

 "Unfortunately our volunteer work as a support person requires that you speak Finnish because most of the families seeking help are Finnish. Especially children in the families speak Finnish. In order to communicate with them you should be able to speak Finnish. ... If you are able to speak Finnish you are most warmly welcome to participate."

 I remember, when I worked as an interpreter, these services were sometimes offered to Thai women. Their first question was usually, 'Does the person speak Thai?', to which the social worker would answer, 'Unfortunately not - they speak Finnish.' I had the same experience in Saimit. Many Thai women asked if we had Thai mentors for them. The experience is repeating itself in Amigo right now. Some immigrant youths are asking whether we have someone they can talk to in their own language, or at least not Finnish all the time.

 So, where is the gap? There is a need for services in one's own language, and there is a will to help in languages other than Finnish. But there is also some kind of idea that not speaking Finnish is automatically a problem.

 The formula for eligibility for both social workers and for this particular NGO appears to be something like this:

 X + Y = 'Action'

 where

 X = Desire to contribute

 AND

 Y = Need for support

 If foreign language is thrown into the mix, it is a 'zero multiplier'

 No Finnish * (X+Y) = 0 * Action

 As far as I can tell, this creates a situations where A) human resources are wasted, and more importantly B) People who are genuinely in need of support would rather do without it, as it can be cumbersome to discuss sensitive personal matters while struggling to express them in a weak second language.

 Of course, I do understand that it is important to learn a second language when integrating into a new country. But let's not mix up two separate needs here: One is the need to solve social or psychological problems (lack of access to services, lack of time, unresolved traumas), and the other is the need to learn a language in order to integrate into a new country. Learning the language will help you access services, but it won't help you resolve the other problems. And the question remains - should you only be allowed to access social services after you've learned the language, and not before?

 As early as the 70s, psycholinguistic research (Marcos, 1976) found that while it may be easier to talk about your problems in a foreign language (without having a meltdown) it is much more difficult to address the roots of the problem in one's own language. Nothing has changed.

 One NGO in particular, Nicehearts, with their 'Naapuriäiti' model, does an excellent job using research in the field of integration in their decision making process. The question is, why doesn't the state?

 Another factor to consider is the group of foreigners who come to Finland on a work visa. In general, businesses take very good care of them. And they do not need to learn Finnish. So the consensus is that foreigners with a paycheck will be served in a manner and language convenient for them. Foreigners without a guaranteed paycheck upon arrival shall be given whatever treatment is convenient for the service providers. This kind of discrimination would be fine in a country that doesn't promise equal access to services for all people. But this is Finland - a social democracy that explicitly promises equality of access. I live in Espoo, so I took a peek at the Espoo City website.

 The city of Espoo has a Equality Committee, and their page explicitly states:

 "The Act on Equality between Women and Men and the Non-Discrimination Act oblige all officials of Espoo to promote equality and non-discrimination in all of their activities."

Under this, there is a Multicultural Advisory Board which. among other things, is tasked with "the well-being and health of ethnic groups, with special focus on women and young people."

 Nowhere does it say: "But only in Finnish".

 But that seems to be the general attitude. I find it deeply disparaging that the current social model only seeks to include foreigners if a) they have a paycheck or b) if they want to speak Finnish, both on the volunteer and the support side.

 At my work place (Helsingin Diakonissalaitos), we run a volunteer programme where the philosophy is that anyone with the will to participate in civic activities should be included and empowered. The need to help is as real and urgent as the need for help, and perhaps I am speaking for myself, but we tend to think that both factors are equally important should be in balance. Maybe that's why we are officially called the Community Programmes, as opposed to Volunteer Programmes.

 Our formula looks something like this: X + Y = Z or 'Urgency of action.'

 Where:
X = Strength of desire to contribute
Y = Urgency of need for support
where X and Y are roughly equal

 The action taken is a sum of the urgency of action + the result of variables A, B, C. So the result should be something like this:

 Z + (A*B*C) = Action taken.

 'Language of operation' is one of those variables, and not the 'zero multiplier' that makes the equation an impossibility.

 Having those 'zero multipliers' that create hurdles in access to services is a big problem in a service model that promises equitable access. Having those 'zero multipliers' means that services are inaccessible to certain groups. It does not mean that those groups do not exist. City of Espoo: Your failure to reach out to these groups is in direct violation of the Non-Discrimination Act.

 My vote is going to the party that addresses these issues!

 Just sayin'.

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