Friday, April 27, 2007
This is what you must remember!
There is always SOMETHING you can do about it.
You are not powerless unless you believe you are.
There may be a lot of people in the world, and
The difference you make may go largely unseen...
But! You are more powerful than you think!
Act.
fon @ 9:48 PM link to post * *
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
A must-see!
Ahh.... the joys of being an aunt... I get cute pictures sent to me!
fon @ 12:45 PM link to post * *
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Dawning of horror
This sudden realisation dawned on me yesterday evening: I've got eight weeks worth of uni work to do all over again in the space of the last remaining month of uni.
Crap.
It's funny how it seems that for the first over half a semester that you really do nothing at uni, other than attend classes.
Lose all your notes, ideas, down-loaded research and you'll realise that you actually were working. Losing that work is losing your bibliography, more or less.
So, with a sense of apathy and panic, I walked with Sid to Scusami and quit my job. It didn't go too badly, I suppose...
Oh, and for those of you who are saying "What? Losing a bibliography can't be THAT bad!"... well, I say, start graduate school, and tell me again, how worthless a bibliography is...
The bibliography is the acknowledgement of great contemporaries, and your ideas are your responses to their views. Can you put a price-tag on imaginary conversations with esteemed academics? (Well, unless they read your essay, it's only you imagining that you are writing in response to them, isn't it?) And more importantly, how do you recover a conversation that wasn't captured? In this case, captured, but lost...
It's like trying to follow a trail that you once ran through enthusiastically, and are hesitant to go down a second time, because it's so familiar, yet in many ways, like the thoughts of somebody else. That's the most difficult thing...
The most annoying (but not difficult) thing is the loss of two PHD dissertations which I had downloaded at a price of US$37 each and have now had to download again. This time I backed them up immediately, and am now waiting for gmail to be done uploading them and then e-mailing them to myself...
Not losing those bastards again!
fon @ 10:00 AM link to post * *
Friday, April 20, 2007
So here's the story...
Many of you have been asking me "What happened??!"
So... perhaps I should be accountable to you all and tell the story now that I've slept and woken up and procrastinated all day until now.
After work at Scusami on Thursday morning to early afternoon, I made my way over to Monash Caulfield. See, Libby, Anna and myself usually meet for a coffee and an informal discussion prior to class.
This time, however, Libby had asked Dr Angelo to come have a look at her bibliography.
I found Libby sitting on her own outside Mama Duke Cafe, and joined her. Angelo was running late, as was Anna, so I turned on my laptop and went through my presentation with her, just to check if my main points were ok. After that, I e-mailed my powerpoint slides to myself and put the laptop back in my bag as Dr Angelo was approaching.
Since they had to go through Libby's work, I volunteered to go and get the coffee. I insisted that it was my round, but in the end, Angelo wouldn't have a coffee unless he was allowed to treat us students, so I ended up taking a $20 off him and fetching the coffees.
So I'm waiting for the coffees and at one point look back to where Angelo and Libby are meant to be sitting, and find they are not there... but I don't really think anything of it. Then I see Libby coming back. When she sees me in the line, she runs to me and tells me my bag was just stolen.
So a few minutes later, we've got a few security guards asking us to repeat what happened, and in a few minutes more, a police officer, who then calls a detective and also his friends from the squad (perhaps he got bored?).
What had happened? Well, apparently, Libby was in the act of pulling her bibliography from her folder when she noticed from the corner of her eye that my bag was taken off the table. She initially thought it was me, but then wondered why I was back so quickly from getting coffees and why I had so brisquely snatched my bag.
So she turned, saw that someone had put my bag on his back, and was running away towards the main road. So she ran after him, and then Angelo ran after them both. Angelo managed to overtake Libby and actually eventually catch up with the person across the main road, but then, he pulls out a knife. So that was that.
But I guess it's better to stay positive, huh? I may have lost my laptop, my phone, my housekeys, my make-up bag (which MAY have been worth more than the phone!), my research and ... erm... a pair of dirty underwear and socks... *blush*... and research (that's the bummer!)
...but...
I had my wallet on me at the cafe.
My iPod was around my neck.
Just about a month ago, I backed up all the photos on my laptop, and hadn't taken more photos since, until Kenny's farewell (which I still hadn't uploaded).
I had just e-mailed my presentation to myself.
and, most importantly...
I baked apple crumble for everyone the night before, and the thief didn't have the sense to take the apple crumble. At least we all had apple crumble during the lecture!
But now I am feeling slightly down, because I'm stuck here at home waiting for the locksmiths to arrive :(
fon @ 11:32 AM link to post * *
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Do not call me...
I just got robbed today, so the best way if anyone needs to get in touch with me is e-mail...
So yeah, if anyone is wondering, my bag, which contained my laptop, my phone and my housekeys is gone... it's been reported to the police, and I wasn't injured in any way.
So for now, if I'm home, the method to contact me is my home number, but given that I'll have to spend all my time at uni to do my work, I probably won't be home, so, as I mentioned, e-mail is a better option: f-o-n-f-o-n-v-k-@-g-m-a-i-l-.-c-o-m. I'm sure you can figure out to do with all the dashes. If you need my home number, e-mail me, but I'm not about to post it online.
More than anything, I'm annoyed at the fact that I've lost all my research for an essay I have due in soon.
fon @ 6:18 PM link to post * *
Monday, April 16, 2007
Confirmed dates and bad karaoke joint
I've got my non-refundable, non-exchangeable, once-you-give-us-your-money-you-have-no-rights tickets to Helsinki today.
So...
Melbourne 23:30 12th July --> Bangkok 05:50 13th July (TG0980)
Bangkok 01:10 30 July --> London Heathrow 07:15 30 July (TG0910)
London 12:35 30 July --> Helsinki 17:30 30 July (BA0794)
That's the plan... I hope it makes all parties reasonably happy. The Reames (my friends in Exeter) unfortunately have to wait, but, well, what's another year or two after all those years?
*** *** ***
On another note, however, the last weekend marked the last time I'll see Kenny for a while. He's gotten a job in Singapore, and is going away there. To mark the occasion, we all got together for dinner and then karaoke. *GRIN*
We had a great time, but all I can say is that do not EVER go to K-BOX near the corner of Lonsdale and Russel streets. I've never seen worse customer service in my life. When faced with dissatisfied customers, the response offered by TEK (the guy behind the counter) was "I don't have to explain anything to you - That's just the way it is." And then he just ignored us for a while, until we showed no signs of relenting. At the end of the day, it wasn't about how much money we were going to save or not save - it was about the fact that K-BOX and their duty manager at the time, TEK, made it quite clear that they did not care a damn what their customers thought about their standard of service, even to the extent of blatantly saying "You don't have to come back. I don't care."
Highly NOT recommended!
Pictures to be posted... for now, look at the ones on Catherine's blog
fon @ 9:13 AM link to post * *
Friday, April 13, 2007
Never enough
I try so so hard I feel like my brain is bleeding... I talk in my sleep, and I'm so tired, so demoralised. Because it's never enough, is it?
I don't know why I bother trying, when it doesn't make a difference - I'll never be good enough for that one person I'd like to be appreciated by.
Trying hard enough for myself is not enough, but I really don't know how to push any harder.
fon @ 6:37 PM link to post * *
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Travel details, part 1
It's so exciting knowing that I'm getting out of here in just three months... and at the same time, absolutely heartbreaking! I've made some beautiful friends here in over three years, and for over two of those years, been in an absolutely beautiful relationship, which I can only hope (and believe!) will withstand the test of both time and distance...
Well, friends are friends, and I have no doubt that friendships last forever, as long as love is there, no? And well, as long as love is there... it has to work! We just have to be patient and see how it all pans out, don't we?
But on that note... as I said, friends last a lifetime, and probably into the next. So I haven't seen Clive, Simon, and their mother, Eve, in 9 years now. But the first thing I thought of was that when I arrive in Heathrow, I'm going to have to make a special trip down to Exeter - after all, it's only 3 - 5 hours away, depending on how I travel!
Why not, right?
I feel so impatient, just waiting to see when Clive will reply to the e-mail I sent earlier today!
*fingers crossed* that they are done with moving house by then!
fon @ 3:39 PM link to post * *
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Just for a laugh :)
You don't mess with the noodles, bitch...
fon @ 10:03 PM link to post * *
Friday, April 06, 2007
NOHA!
A few months ago, some of you may remember, I was talking about this program, Master of Humanitarian Action, NOHA, which I wanted to get into. Well, I gave it a shot, as you may know again, and in between convinced myself that there is no way I'll be accepted. So I applied for a UNESCO internship, which I got into, amazingly enough.
And today, I receive this envelope from University of Groningen. It was quite sure it was a rejection letter, given it's thin appearance, and was very surprised to discover that, in fact, it was an acceptance letter! So it's off to the Netherlands for me in September! How odd...
I hope I'll still be accepted for this UNESCO internship later on, because now it's not really possible this year. I'd like to do the internship first - the projects that I'm supposed to be involved in are so interesting! But on the other hand, the sooner I graduate, the better. That really should be my priority. I'd like to be part of the batch of 2008 graduates, out to do the world some good!
This adds a whole new dimension into the idea of wanting to 'make it work' with me and Sid. But I guess we've got to do what we've got to do, and if we try hard enough, we'll come out stronger in the end. Perhaps it's time now to try to forget about all the problems and just concentrate on spending all our time together as happily as we possibly can? It's a scary thought to know that three months from now, I won't see him until... well, December? And that's if he can make it to The Netherlands. Perhaps time will fly by quickly... I certainly hope it will. I'd really like to make this work.
It's also strange how this guy I know - Erno - (remember him from Egypt?), is also going to be doing the same program as me, but in Sweden, in Uppsala. I'm trying to talk him into coming to Groningen for one semester! Well, if I got in, he definitely will have, since he's way more qualified than me!
*grin*
fon @ 8:54 PM link to post * *
Sabai-Sabai
Oh my god... thanks Sakil for this awesome video!
This is Thailand's own icon - like Michael Jackson in Thailand, but without the paedophelic scandals... This song is from the early 80's, and You'd have to have grown up in a tunnel to not know it...
fon @ 5:39 PM link to post * *
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Tramming it
I had a lot of dreams last night, but for some reason I only remember the first.
Daeshy and I stepped on a tram, and I sat down on one of seats that goes sideways, and for some reason he chose to sit down away from me, in a seat where he could see me from the side. I don't know why he did that. Then this guy walks on - he reminds me a little bit of a New York flasher, but he's an Ozzie version. He's got this 'rude kangaroo' puppet. It looks like a caricature of what a kangaroo might look like if you managed to turn it into an alcoholic. And so this guy is harassing me with this kangaroo puppet, and saying very rude things, and Sid just looks over and smiles the whole time, and sometimes laughs, even though I'm genuinely distressed by this stupid and stinky puppet in my face.
... hmmm... so what was that about? I'm guessing it's a reflection of my own expectations. I mean, a guy with a puppet isn't exactly scary, and the 'dero puppet' is really my own perception of things. So I guess it's just a reflection of the fact that sometimes we simply don't understand what it is that stresses the other out, and don't understand what it is that makes us laugh, and misunderstand each other.
So last night it was meant to end - fullstop. But it didn't. That's where this blog comes in handy - I've pretty much got the whole relationship encoded in this blog in some form or another - from the end of February 2005 (on the old site). I've recorded good and bad things, and as we were looking through it last night, I guess maybe we just realised that we were being a little bit silly... and that everything we've shared is too prescious to give up just like that - there's a way out of it... we just have to try harder to get over what is really the same problem we've always had.
So we have to make this work, because I'm the kind of person who makes my dreams come true - and I've been dreaming of you for over two years! How could I give up now, right?
fon @ 6:50 AM link to post * *
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
One lifetime isn't enough to love you...
... as Ziggy Marley sang tonight.
And I guess he's right. We'll need a few to get it right.
It's nobody's fault. My mother always taught me it was rude to point my finger. Well, it's also hurtful, so I'm not going to do it. There's no sense in it, anyhow.
You see, I hear things, and I interpret them my own way. And so does everyone else.
When I hear, "I can't have fun if I know you are feeling bad", I read too much into that.
So when I say something like - "You're having fun - stay."... well, it's not like I can expect anyone to understand anything beyond that. Everyone understands and interprets the world in their own fashion, and that's how it should be. What would be a world without plurality?
If somebody is genuinely having fun, and I'm genuinely miserable, I guess the way it works is that I should let those that are having fun continue to do so, and stop being a wet blanket.
Well, as cliche as it is, I do understand the meaning of this saying, now:
"When you laugh, the world laughs with you - When you cry, you cry alone"
I have a feeling I've blogged about this before, perhaps a long time ago. I hope the lesson sinks in this time. Maybe I should just learn to laugh more. Maybe I should learn to not be bothered by anything. Not let things get to me. Not to be affected by anything. Could that be a good life?
Maybe by the next lifetime I'll learn that crying in the middle of a concert venue isn't a great idea.
But in any case: I know we'll try again...good night...
fon @ 9:00 PM link to post * *
A wave of bad poetry
Ok... so last night we were in 'round 2 of peace talks', and in a way, it's like we've settled on peace, but on what conditions is a little unclear, at least to me. I feel really strange being here, but I'd feel more strange walking out and going home. And I started wondering what it would be like, to be in a position where we would, at least for a while, be trying to ease off, as it were, and the actual impossibility of separating out which bits of 'soulstuff' belong to me and which belong to him. And in my fantasies, whilst I was pretending to be him, and trying to figure out what I would do as him, this wave of really really really bad rhyme hit me. I won't even do the world an injustice by calling it bad 'poetry' again.
If I didn't see you again
What would I do?
Would I throw out that plant
Because it reminds me of you?
Or what about that bag?
Or that mobile phone?
Or is this bond deeper...
Than those things we own?
I had to blog the poem. I don't write rhyme. I just thought at the very least, I can laugh about myself in my blog, since I'm not laughing about much else at the moment. So... yes... this is thoroughly strange. And I don't know where this is going, or if we are going to be able to normalise anything within the next few days/weeks. I would like to, so so badly, but at the same time, I feel so estranged (or as Frank would say, 'estrangled').
If I keep pretending that everything is ok, will we drift apart even further, or will I wake up one morning with a smile?
fon @ 6:53 AM link to post * *
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Peace talks
Ok...
So things blew up a little bit last night (literally in the case of the shower), and figuratively, as in the case with Sid.
Whilst things are not exactly back to normal, we've had one round of 'peace talks' tonight, and I guess we're re-evaluating things in this relationship.
I still need my space, though, and my phone will be off until I can get my head around this. I am checking messages, but not particularly with any intent of replying ... thanks to all you guys who've been showing me some love today, and sorry I haven't been replying to any messages.
fon @ 6:40 PM link to post * *
Today my bed is my raft. It's keeping me safe. I'm not moving from this spot. I'm acting like a child - phone is off because I don't want to talk to anyone... but then I've got this perverse need to constantly turn it on in case someone has messaged me... and then I think maybe I shouldn't be so closed up so I leave it on for a little longer - until I get scared the somebody might just call me, so I turn it off again.
fon @ 12:49 PM link to post * *
Yay, plumber is here.
The plumber is here, so that's one thing sorted out.
When the doorbell rang at around 10, I thought maybe it was Sid, coming to tell me I dreamed all of last night, but I know I didn't, and I know it really happened. I just didn't see it coming at all. But I guess that's how it's like when you are dumped... maybe I should have read some of the signs earlier on.
I had a dream that my mother got worried and came to see me in Australia. แม่อย่าเป็นห่วงนะคะไม่เป็นไรจิงฯ
Strange, isn't it, that your mother will always be there for you when you need her! Even if it's just a dream... but why would I dream my mother was here unless she knew I was feeling down (mother's instinct?) and she was thinking of me? Thanks :)
Oh and thanks Kelvin and Agnes for staying up and chatting with me last night. I'm so glad I don't live alone.
Kelvin suggested a jog in the morning to clear my head. I think I'll skip it though. Not today. At least I can take a shower now, though (thanks, Mr. Plumber).
fon @ 7:27 AM link to post * *
Don't worry.
The previous post I wrote may alarm some of my readers. But really, life goes on. I'll get over it. Please don't worry about me (I'm especially referring to my mom and dad).
Maybe I'm over-dramatic.
But I am hurt.
Anyhow, like I said, life goes on, you gain things, you lose things, and plumbers don't call. And there's nothing you or I can do, is there?
fon @ 1:26 AM link to post * *
Eventful...
I must say this has certainly been an eventful week. If I delve into detail, then I'll be writing for hours, so I'll make a short bullet point list, in chronological order.
1. Write e-mails out for UNESCO interships (Tuesday)
2. Receive a reply from RUSHSAP (which is one UNESCO department) (Wednesday)
3. Resend my application to UNESCO (Thursday)
4. Receive a call from head honcho at RUSHSAP... and get accepted!! (go me!) (Friday)
5. Get tickets for Ziggy Marley concert (also Friday)
6. Go for my first session of volunteering for tutoring Sudanese refugees in English (Saturday)
(6.5 - and I get my period)
7. Cristelle quits at Spaghetti Tree (FINALLY! also Saturday)
8. Meet up for coffee with an author whose thoughts I admire (Saturday)
9. Watch a Liverpool - Arsenal game in its entirety (still Saturday)
10. Get dumped for the first time in my life by boyfriend of over two years (and still Saturday)
11. Get home and water in bathroom has burst... still waiting for plumber to arrive (now it's Sunday)
Well... good and bad things happen, all of which have been very important and eventful for me. I don't know which even takes the cake...
But I guess three things do (still in chronological order):
1. I get accepted into intership.
2. I tutor in English for a good cause.
3. Daeshy dumps me.
I'm still waiting for the plumber (it's 4 a.m.) and I'm confused. Screw the burst water. I don't really care. We'll call again tomorrow. I can't believe over two years is gone like that, though. Not the plumbing. "I don't think it is working between us."
If he thinks it isn't, then it isn't. How do I fight when one party has pulled out? I hope we can be friends.
I'm sorry, but my phone will be off for the next few days. I can't face this right now.
I don't want to talk with anyone. I'll be burying myself in reading. That's it.
I'm sorry. I don't know what I did. And I'm sorry, but I also know that once that thought is there, it's too late, and it's there to stay. It's a seed that's taken root, and who am I to judge? Who am I to pour cyanide on a growing sprout? It's not my role to destroy. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, so sorry that I planted poison ivy when I was meant to plant sunflowers.
It's in your mind already, and I can't pull it out, can I? Nobody can!
Well, that was my rant. And I'm still waiting for the plumber (it's 4:20 a.m.)
fon @ 12:40 AM link to post * *