Thursday, November 30, 2006
stressed and stupid
I'm just not thinking straight anymore... my apologies to all those who are affected by it!
Househunting has proven especially draining... everyone wants a one bedroom place it seems, and the last person a landlord gives a lease to is a young foreigner.
*sigh*
Everyone is also looking for share accommodation. I sat in this total stranger's house for over an hour on Tuesday night, and shared a bottle of wine over a rather good conversation, all for the sake of making an impression over 50 other people who would like a place to live.
I still haven't heard back from him, but I guess he's taking his time seeing who should take the spare room. It's like that everywhere. It's not about whether or not you can afford the rent, and whether or not you are responsible... it's a popularity contest!
So, since Kelvin is also going through the same ordeal, we've decided to join forces, and 2 bedroom flats are somewhat more numerous, cheaper for better quality... just that.... erm, well, we aren't alone then... But it's actually alright, considering we both want to live in the same area, and have roughly the same criteria. And, besides, it'll almost be like living alone, because he has a 9 - 5 job, and I've got a night-time job.
I realised last night that I seem to be afraid of being alone, too. I couldn't sleep until really late last night because... I was SCARED??! Am I stupid or something? Perhaps the share-house really is a better idea.
A small ray of hope: I got rejected from a place today... but the real-estate agent who called me was really nice. She said there was nothing wrong with my application, and that they are happy to keep it for other properties that they have - it was just that 8 people applied for the place, and the owner chose someone else. :(
But that means atleast my applications are on the right track!
Yay :)
On another note... Daeshy's mother is here... so I won't be seeing him for three weeks... and talking to him very little. *sigh*
I also booked in to get my learner's permit.... sitting a test next wednesday, and then Elvira will teach me to drive... Uh-oh... I don't know if it's such a good idea... I can just imagine her screaming at me "ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING??!!!" Hahaha... I'll soon find out!
fon @ 9:28 AM link to post * *
Thursday, November 23, 2006
HELP!!
Oh my god... HELP!!!
I've become an e-bay addict!!!
fon @ 9:57 PM link to post * *
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
fingers crossed!
I went for the final round of interviews today, for a job with Australian Unity (the health insurer)...
I liked the other people who were there for the interview... I hope I get to work with some of them!
What an interview man... there was group 'team-work' interview, role-play, computer-test and finally, an actual job interview!
Phew!
It took a total of three hours!
Considering all that, these guys actually don't pay *that* well. 37,500 pro rata for full-time empoloyees, ... and I'm only doing part-time... the pay is less than $20 per hour. Great. After all that effort.
And then... they want someone who can indefinitely work 25 hours p.w. I'm screwed in March... if I get the job to begin with, they won't be happy come March when I all of a sudden have to give up 5 hours per week... I guess I'm better off keeping the Spaghetti Tree job for now, huh?
But anyhow... fingers crossed. I want another job!!!
fon @ 5:53 PM link to post * *
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Just a few more pics from the weekend
I had a thoroughly relaxing weekend with Daeshy (about time, too!)... went out on Saturday night (I got the night off work!) and spent Sunday near the beach in St Kilda... After work on Sunday evening I visited Nora at her work-place (Strike Bowling Bar) and beat her colleagues (who practice every night!!) at a game of bowling! I was shocked.
Must have something to do with the free drinks Nora was pouring me :P
On a different note... Now... Packing up my room somehow made me feel like buying cowboy boots, and I've placed a small bid on e-bay. Nuts.
Strange, I am.
Aseem is going to India tomorrow, and last night caught up with him briefly. We watched "drawbacks of love" (funny hindi movie) at his place. The girl in the movie wears this gorgeous sari at one stage (no surprise), so now i've told Aseem he's got to buy me a blue-green sari if he sees one he thinks would suit me :) :) :)
fon @ 4:42 PM link to post * *
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Make Poverty History
My previous post has a logical conclusion, which I will get to in a moment.
First, though, I'd like to say this: If I were a good and balanced person, I'd be thankful for this lesson. I'd be grateful that finally the lesson has been learned, and that I had the sense to reach those conclusions.
But I'm not grateful. In fact, I feel a little bit bitter, to be honest. But perhaps I'll feel better about it in the long run. I should feel better about it in the long run.
So here it is: The logical conclusion of my previous post is that it makes no sense to love any single person or persons above others. This leads to attachment, which leads to suffering. It leads to bias, which unfairly disadvantages some and benefits others.
It means, in practice, that I cried yesterday when I walked into the ABC store's childrens' section, because it reminded me that I would be seeing my nieces and nephews or the rest of my family for a long time to come.
It means I expect too much from Daeshy.
And, to get to the topic of this post, it means the western world can calmly spend billions on luxury goods whilst a child dies of preventable causes every three seconds in the developing world. Apparently, Australia spends more money combating obesity than what they spend on foreign aid.
So... hats off the the 19-year-old boy who organised teh concert. It was well-planned and well-organised. By making tickets free, and winnable only by raffle or competition, the event targeted an audience of mostly young people. That's great. The amount of highschool kids there was (besides annoying) heartening, because they've still got so many choices to make about their own futures, like what to study! Perhaps we'll see a higher amount of students interested in degrees in developmental studies?
It's certainly sparked my interest!
(click on icon for more pictures!)
fon @ 7:51 AM link to post * *
Is this true?
Every time I force myself to stop crying, what I've done is forced myself to stop feeling. By doing that, I've betrayed myself in the worst possible way, because I've robbed myself of that same depth that allows me to love, and to give myself fully to life. Are hurt and love in that way, inextricably linked? It seems that by by making myself vulnerable to hurt, I open myself also to the possibility of fully loving, caring, and being empathetic. So, if I force the hurt away, I deny myself the joy of love, too.
Is that a bad thing? Perhaps the logical conclusion to all of this is that both hurt and love are selfish, self-gratifying acts, and both should be avoided at all costs.
But compassion and empathy are good things, right? Yet how am I supposed to have any sense of compassion and empathy if I cannot feel the pain of others? And how can I feel the pain of others if I can't allow myself love? And if I can't love, how can I feel motivation to act?
How is peace possible when I'm still here? All the hurt and suffering seem to be tied in with circumstance. Being at peace, then, must mean distancing oneself from circumstance.
Buddha isn't afraid ... to point out the suffering and stress inherent in places where most of us would rather not see it — in the conditioned pleasures we cling to. He teaches us not to deny that suffering and stress or to run away from it, but to stand still and face up to it, to examine it carefully. That way — by understanding it — we can ferret out its cause and put an end to it.
- Ajarn Thanissaro Bhikkhu
fon @ 4:11 AM link to post * *
Friday, November 17, 2006
conceit
Here's a strange little question... I think I've just managed to get myself another job in customer service, but this time with a health insurance company (I'm hopefully starting Dec 4). I'm strangely excited about the prospect of listening to people's health problems.
Is that just weird?
See, I just think that I'm 1) eager-to-please, 2) conceited.
Conceited? Why, you might ask. Well, I've always thought that having a desire to help others is no less a desire than any other, and a desire is always a self-loving activity. So, being eager-to-please means that I have a desire to please others... and, well... that just means that I've got a desire to please myself, and thus, I'm self-loving, ie, conceited.
Does that make sense?
fon @ 3:56 AM link to post * *
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
So are we alone?
They say it's lonely at the top. They say when you cry, you cry alone. They say nobody loves you when you are down and out.
So, it doesn't matter who you are... you are alone.
Atleast, that's the impression I got from Frank's book, Chucky's Come Home. Thoroughly melancholy and deep. Highly recommended.
What I'd like to know is this: Is there closure in loneliness? Is deciding to be alone, and not be affected by others a peace of its own kind? It seems to resonate with the doctrines of detachment forwarded by both Buddhist and Hindu philosophies.
But not in the way that Frank's main character does it. 'King' is thoroughly attached to being lonely, and thoroughly pessimistic. Detachment and peaceful balance isn't about a negativity, a shunning of the world, but rather, just neutrality, and acceptance.
I've been reading another book, called The King Never Smiles - A Biography of Thailand's Bhumibol Adulyadej (which is banned in Thailand). Whilst I won't go into the details of the biography, I'd like to comment on something the author (Paul M. Handley) says in his introduction.
"In Buddhist culture, either a smile or a frown would indicate attachment to worldly pleasures or desires. Bhumibol's public visage was unfailingly one of kindly benevolence and impassivity. ... Increasingly, Thais compared his noble sacrifice to the Buddha's own."
(Handley, 2006:5)
I won't venture to speculate on whether the king smiles or frowns in private. I'm more interested in the continually neutral visage. If we take this at face value, I think we can come to the conclusion that in fact, through detachment, we are able to achieve great things - another quote: "It is amazing how much we can accomplish when it makes no difference who gets the credit."
Fulfilment of duty - not pushing the world away, as Frank's character, 'King' has done - is what brings closure, and peace.
*** *** ***
On a more mundane note - a little report on my activities this past week, for anyone who can be bothered reading!
Last Thursday was Catherine's birthday... the singularly most popular person on the planet! She managed to pull a crowd of 80 to her party at TGIF on Chapel Street in the middle of exams!
The weekend, uneventful as ever, with work and whatnot passed in a blur, excepting Sunday night when I agreed to write a petition for Elvira (we agreed that tips should we shared more fairly with the bar). Long story.
And I'm just about ready to walk out of Spaghetti tree. I'm getting tired of folk-etymology and unqualified 'truths'. There are some wonderfully intelligent people at work, too, but it's not exactly a job that requires anyone to use their education and skills. I'm getting bored, feeling unchallenged... I need something new to do! (read: I'm looking for a JOB - somebody help me!)
Of course, someone is objecting now - that I'm a student, and I should do the most braindead job possible so I can focus on studies. Well, that has it merits, but I've always found that fertile ground produces flowers. Lots of flowers. I'd rather have a million ideas buzzing through my head at all times, than struggle to get a few hours of study focus and head-space per day.
"And the sign said 'Long Haired Freaky People Need Not Apply'"
- Fatboy Slim, Palookaville
Is that me?
*** *** ***
Ok... one more little item worth mentioning for this week. I went to the Sergio Mendes concert last night. No recording devices allowed. *nuts*
Richard was my 'escort' for the night (I suspect he didn't enjoy the music much, but I'll nonetheless continue in my mission to introduce him to cool music, which I've been doing since 2004). I must admit that I was somewhat disappointed. The view was great... but I couldn't help wondering whether their sound engineer had taken sick leave or something? The sound was clearly directed only at the lowest floor of the theatre, meaning that what reached the balcony level was the bass and a very muffled singing. Melbourne Arts Centre is not normally aimed at percussion heavy shows, but rather classical and theatre, I suppose... but at the rate the tickets were going, you would have thought they would have brought in a professional who knew how to deal with Brazillian music in a concert hall!
Also, I couldn't help noticing that the singers seemed to have a deep hatred for each other, which they barely masked with their lacklustre stage routine. The performance definitely picked up a lot whenever they were not on stage!
Overall, though, I can't say that there was anything wrong with the quality of the performance of Sergio Mendes and his band. It was a great show, and ofcourse, the musicians were brilliant!
fon @ 12:07 PM link to post * *
Saturday, November 11, 2006
huge doubts
It's getting closer to December 17th, my planned moving date... and instead of there being more properties online, there are now less, and at more expensive prices... See, I was thinking that by around this time of year, most of the international students would be moving out, leaving a considerable surplus of apartments available for inspection ... well, fingers crossed... some students still have exams, and only a few have left so far. Perhaps I'm just jumping the gun ... maybe I should just sit tight a couple weeks... All I know is that by this time in December, Melbourne becomes so quiet with a third of the student population back home. Many returning students opt to vacate their apartments as well, meaning that there really should be a lot of apartments around...
Keep your fingers crossed for me please!!!
fon @ 6:44 AM link to post * *
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Melbourne Cup
Daeshy just finished his submissions on Monday.... so what a way to end a semester!
Thanks Bec, Elvira and Carole for making it there with us...
fon @ 11:19 AM link to post * *
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Full circle
My dad is probably laughing to himself now...
Before I ever started university, I protested. I refused to study economics, or anything to do with business. I wanted to sing. And so I went to Spain for some time and refused to go to university until I got my way (I've always been incredibly stubborn). Well, after only half a year of classical singing at university, I decided I didn't want to become a singer after all, and fell back on a straight arts degree, thinking I'd be a philosopher instead, until my father convinced me to do law (it didn't take much convincing, because at that stage, I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore anyhow)
Haha. That was a project which miserably failed. Atleast I can look back and laugh at my pitiful efforts to study law, which involved staring at as opposed to reading law books.
The same year I was miserable failing in law, my dreams of becoming a writer also went inextricably down the drain. Law had such a draining effect on all things creative that I managed to do poorly on what I thought would become a major in English Lit. And so it was only in this final year at university that I finally chose my course. Linguistics. And it's been the best choice I ever made.
And why is my father laughing to himself? Well, I'm doing a master in Asian studies next year. That involves policy, which is naturally going to involve the study of economics. In fact, I'm hoping that my supervisor will be a particular Thai academic who teaches economics at Chulalongkorn University (but is also attached to Monash Asia Institute).
So - that's come full circle.
But you know what else has? So has music... and now perhaps creative writing, too... slowly, though.
See, about a couple months ago, I started hanging out with Alex (from Philosophy) a lot - and I've been singing on a weekly basis as a result, because he's a great musician!
Then strangely, two more 'musical' people introduced themselves to me in these past few days. On Thursday morning I went for swim. And when I swim, I'm in my own zone and wouldn't notice if there was a pink cow in the lane next to me. I walked into the sauna, and was sitting there stretching, etc., and then just staring at the wall, when I hear "Are you half-Thai half-Finnish by any chance?" Startled, I look up, only to see that this is a guy I was chatting with in the sauna over a year ago, because that day I was bored and felt like having a conversation. And so we had a long conversation - which then extended to a long walk to Clayton and back to Monash, during which time, I discover that he and his mates have a little band, and none of them really know how to sing... so naturally, I ask if I can come jam sometime... we'll have to see how that goes!
Then, last night, I met this Irish animator who used to be a musician, and is in need of female vocal for a short film he's doing in February (That's him with the strangle hold around my neck - which I appear to be enjoying!).
And finally - on the literature front. This author comes in to eat at the Spaghetti Tree (where I work) quite often (he has minestrone soup and a water) and on Friday night, introduced himself to me. And last night, he came back again with a book for me. So I gave him my blog address to check out some of my fiction. So this is a little strange, because I know YOU will possibly be reading this. Well, in case you are - thank-you again for kindly giving me your book.
Oh, and here's a little secret, which I'm not supposed to tell you: The reason I said Thursday was a bad day to come back and chat is because the manager on Thursday (who was also managing last night) is ... perhaps a slightly poor manager... and only likes things to be done his way. So he didn't really like the fact that I was chatting with you from behind the bar for so long. He assumes that it means I got no work done. And he 'politely' extricated me from the bar by sending me off to do some other tasks.
But that's a secret. Honestly, I think he's a bit of an egomaniac, and I don't enjoy working with him, because I don't like being told what to do. But that's just between you and me (and google).
Anyhow, that aside, I ended up getting absolutely smashed last night at Clark's farewell party:
And... to top off a perfect night, I went over to Daeshy's place and got my head bashed on a table. Now I have a bump on my head, but it was worth it for all the ice :P
fon @ 11:38 AM link to post * *
Thursday, November 02, 2006
A worthy cause
I got this in my inbox today, and I thought I'd post it here :)
A favor to ask, it only takes a minute....
Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle).
This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/
AGAIN , PLEASE TELL 10 FRIENDS TO TELL 10 TODAY
fon @ 9:44 PM link to post * *
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
no more clayton...
need i say more?
*** *** ***
I talked to my mom and dad today... I miss them, and I wish I could see them... but after some investigations, return tickets to Finland cost atleast 3500. Don't have that kind of money at the moment. Especially since I've got to save up over the summer so that I can pay for all the books I'll need to buy for my masters, and the rent I need to pay so that I don't kill myself working when I should be studying.
*sigh*
I can't be there, and be working at the same time.
After the exam I was having a chat with some exchange students, and one was saying that it's almost easier NOT to be in touch with loved ones overseas, because it makes you focus more on your surroundings and thus, feel less homesick. I must agree. I definitely got quite emotional talking to my parents :(
fon @ 4:08 PM link to post * *